Don't Ask Me I'm Just a Girl: New Blog

I've recently been reading this book titled "One Breath at a Time Buddhism and the Twelve Steps" by Kevin Griffin. It's pretty awesome. I've tried meditation in the past and did it on and off but never regularly for about a year now. The benefits of meditation weren't really clear to me at the time, and I'm also lazy. Anyway I feel like this book is the one to really click with me on a spiritual level considering this dude is in recovery and a buddhist and all. I've tried the meditation exercises that he suggests and I must say that I'm much more aware of the purpose and benefit of meditation now than ever before. Maybe it just took that year for all the little buddhist seeds of influence to be planted and finding this book pretty randomly was what it took, who knows.
The most useful part of this meditation practice is that of noting thoughts. As I sit with the thoughts that come whizzing at me, I softly note or label them. For example if I'm thinking about wanting a cigarette I just think "wanting" and I consiously let that thought go and focus back to my breath. I find that noting thoughts is extremely helpful in allowing me to let go. I feel like the word puts them into a neat little box that I can then throw out of my minds proverbial window.
Another fairly useful tool is being conscious of my thoughts/obsessions/emotions etc etc as being human and normal. Not only normal but nothing that I have to believe or act on either. (ie. feelings aren't facts).Being an alchoholic/drug addict makes this especially hard because I have the tendency to think every thought that I have is something that I have to fix or do something about. It comes as a huge relief to just be conscious enough to let it go if I can.
Although this book and starting to practice slowly has been really awesome, it's also been equally overwhelming. Being aware on an everyday basis is hard work and sometimes it's next to impossible. Doing step work is stressful enough, but adding meditation to the mix can be a total mindfuck at times. I know that sorting through the leftover garbage of my past and working with it now on an everyday basis is the only real way that I'll ever be happy and peaceful so it's worth it. Sometimes it just drives me insane and I want to escape. Luckily I've been escaping with more productive things these days like tattoos and nature documentaries.
Speaking of nature documentaries, Jason introduced me to David Attenborough and he's the cutest old British guy ever. Way better than Steve Irwin RIP. We've been watching the mammals doc. on Netflix and it's f'in awesome. Did you know that kangaroos poop out this little worm thing and then it climbs it's way into the pouch to grow!? Incredible! Then after awhile this huge ass fucking kangaroo is all cramped in the pouch. Also that eucalyptus doesn't really give koalas the best nutrition but for some reason it's all they eat so they have to spend like all goddamn day eating it? All they do is eat leaves and sleep. OH AND BE ADORABLE. There's that too.
Jason finished up this sugar skull winged thing on my hip/rib area a couple of days ago. It hurt like a motherfucker. I'm so glad it's done. It looks badass. Here are some pictures of the progress: