spoiler alert

i worked a long one today. 9 hours from five in the morning until two in the afternoon. i was so beat when i was done. my back was so stiff and inflamed. i took a couple tylenol and hit the sack for a couple of hours. i've been reading the last book in the aforementioned teen vampire story. very steamy, very provocative, and bella swan is very...pregnant? with a vampire baby. you should hear her talking about this kid, she wants to keep her baby and i don't think it's going to happen. oh yeah and she married that edward guy because she wants to be his forever. give me a break. i really don't like where this is heading, but it is pretty provocative stuff, so of course i'm going to continue to read it. i know it's kind of lame for me to sit here and trash it while i'm still reading the damn thing, but this is my blog, if you don't like it, tough.

so anyway i took a shower and now i'm feeling better. drinking some coffee and waiting for my brother to come over so we can talk some shit and go to my home group. tonight is chip night and i get my one year coin and a round of applause from the other home group members. it's pretty interested to hear the opinions of people who basically saw the light come back into your eyes after coming in all haggard and drunk and emotionally beaten. it feels good. i feel good.

i think i'm going to make a vegetarian mexican lasagne of sorts this evening. i'm going to experiment and hope that it comes out ok. i cleaned my kitchen and organized it yesterday. i went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of shit at trader joes so i feel like a real person. i've been avoiding my apartment lately because it's been such a wreck and i've been staying at jason's a lot lately. i've been working at being self supporting and paying my own rent, keeping up with my place, and not depending on him for a lot these past couple of months. mostly because it's been a pattern of mine in the past to depend on my boyfriend for certain things that i should be doing for myself, and i like my boyfriend, so i'm trying to do the right thing to break those patterns for once. one of those things includes not moving in with him right away. i'm pretty set on not moving in with him until we get married actually. it sounds really traditional and conservative i know, but for one thing i don't want to mess this up and statistically marriages last longer when the couple doesn't live together first. i need to be solid in my ability to take care of myself before i can move to that step. i'm trying the best i can to do this right. things are going pretty well so far.

if there's one important lesson that i've learned over the past year it's that things in life don't happen overnight, that things that are the most important to your happiness take time, and it's not on your watch. life has a funny way of taking a long time to get good, but if i keep on top of it, it's more than i can ever imagine.