a few days ago i walked into my apartment to grab some shoes because the only reason i've been going there for about the past month is to get something. and my place was all cleaned up with a lot of my stuff in boxes. my landlord is renting my apartment out and i had no idea until i went there the other day. i've been behind on my rent since last year and financially just haven't been able to catch up and it's been a huge source of anxiety for me for a long time. i've also been struggling with the idea of whether or not i want to make the move to live with jason. i've gotta be out of my apartment by december first. i'm not ready for this change mostly because it wasn't prompted by me, but i shouldn't have expected anything less considering i've been dodging my rent for so long.

i feel so bad and irreponsible and like nothing is going to make me feel better, but i know that's not true. i just have to suck it up and be an adult and take care of this. i'm nervous.